


Should Have Known

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Background Relationships, Drunken Kissing, First Kiss, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders' Era, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Trapped In A Closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 18:19:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11629230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Sirius kisses James, which should've been a dream come true. Except they were both drunk, and James pushed him away, and now they weren't JamesandSirius anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “Hey, here Eglyssa again! (sorry, I just need Prongsfoot in my life :D) could you write a fic in which they are both a bit drunk and they kiss and suddenly James pushes Sirius away because he thinks it's not real and Sirius doesn't love him and it's all happening because of the firewhisky? (while of course Sirius does love him!) It could also work the other way around if you prefer... Really, whatever you feel like writing will be great! Thanks!”
> 
> Originally posted on [tumblr](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com/post/163423360645/hey-here-eglyssa-again-sorry-i-just-need)

James should’ve known even before it happened that getting drunk with Sirius was a mistake. Firewhiskey made his tongue loose and his hands wandering, and he _definitely_ should have known better than to drink around Sirius because his internal monologue was likely to become external, which led to telling Sirius all the ways he was amazing and that was a mere half-step from telling him that James was in love with him.

If all that wasn’t enough, then he should’ve known better because _Sirius_ got handsy when pissed, and if there was one thing to make James say what he shouldn’t, it was Sirius looking at him with warm grey eyes and a smile like nothing could go wrong when they touch. (Technically the one thing that could make James say or do what he shouldn’t, was simply Sirius.)

Despite knowing all of that, knowing that he _should_ have known better, he was still there, with Sirius, bottles of firewhiskey at their feet even though they would only need the one, all alone in their favourite abandoned classroom with the door locked and the large armchair they’d transfigured three years ago holding both of them as they giggled and leaned on each other with flushed faces.

Sirius was slouched in the chair, so much that he was nearly falling off. James was half on top of him, which was probably the only thing keeping him in place. Sirius’s arm was curled low around James’s back to help his balance.

“You’re gonna get a crick in your neck if you don’t move, Pads,” James slurred, grinning down at him. His hand was running through Sirius’s hair, but he didn’t remember starting that.

“You could always massage me,” he suggested, smirking up through his eyelashes.

James snorted, as if his hand wasn’t automatically going down to Sirius’s neck to rub at the warm skin. “As if.”

Sirius would have given him a pointed look for his conflicting actions if he hadn’t closed his eyes, but settled for saying, “‘As if’ he says, doing what I asked.”

James pinched his neck, not enough to hurt, but Sirius gave him a betrayed look with his patented Puppy Eyes anyways and James felt guilty. “I hate you.”

He leaned into James’s arm for a minute. Then, with some uncomfortable squirming Sirius managed to be sitting up again, still half under James, not that he minded. “No you don’t. In fact, I think you love me.”

James rolled his eyes. “Well who doesn’t? Honestly Si, the shite you say these days.” Not quite what he should have said, or meant to say, but him rubbing their noses together afterwards like they were bloody woodland creatures was worse.

Sirius chuckled, deep and breathy. James could feel it against his face, they were so close. “Yeah, well you’re not helping much, mate.” Sirius surged up, the last few centimeters between them gone in an instant as he pressed their lips together.

James didn’t think about it, his mind muddled, and kissed Sirius back.

“James,” Sirius whispered reverently.

He fisted a hand in the back of Sirius’s shirt and pulled him closer, reveling in the feel of Sirius’s body arched against him.

Sirius opened his mouth slightly, and James dove his tongue in, wanting-- _needing_ \-- to memorise the way he tasted, the way he would respond to James. He heard a moan, but couldn’t tell if it was from Sirius or himself because he could feel it down to his toes. Merlin Sirius was warm, tasting sweet from the chocolate frogs he’d devoured earlier, but it was hidden under the bitter tang of firewhiskey that painted the inside of his mouth.

James’s body responded to the information before his mind could figure out why. He jerked back, one hand pushing and the other pulling Sirius away from him. James stumbled off the chair onto his feet, falling on his arse, both from the liquor and how quickly he’d tried to leave his awkward position. “What the fuck Sirius?” he said, eyes wide and hand hovering near his mouth. _Why would you kiss me when you’re drunk? Why can’t you do that when you’re sober?_ “Really, what the _fuck_?”

Sirius hadn’t moved, was just staring at him with his mouth parted like he couldn’t understand what was going on.

James shook his head, looking away, standing, and wiping at his mouth with a hand he hoped wasn’t shaking visibly enough that Sirius could see it. He had to get out of here. It took a couple tries for him to get out the door-- first because it was locked and then because he buggered up the spell to open it and if that wasn’t a flashing sign of how shaken up he was, nothing would be-- but once he was out, he high-tailed it to the common room.

The Fat Lady let him with a sympathetic look, not even asking for the password, and it wasn’t until she said, “Don’t cry too much dear, they aren’t worth it,” as he passed that James even realised he was crying.

There were only a couple people in the Common Room, but a hand raised as if to muss his hair prevented them from seeing anything if they happened to look his way.

He wasn’t so lucky in their dormitory. Remus nodded at him in greeting, but Peter asked, “Where’s Sirius?” looking at the closed door like he would suddenly appear behind James if he looked long enough.

“Are you crying?” Remus said, a definite vein of disbelief in his voice. He got to his feet and started walking towards James. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m-” James wiped at his face uselessly and shuffled away from Remus. “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“You clearly aren’t,” Remus said, but he didn’t come any closer. “Did something happen with Sirius?”

James must have changed his expression because then Peter asked, “Is he hurt? Do we need to go to the Hospital Wing?”

James shook his head vehemently. “He’s fine, nothing’s wrong.” A traitorous sob tore through him, and he stumbled to his bed.

“O...kay,” Remus said slowly, going back to sit next to Peter. They must have realised that even though he was clearly lying, if there was something the matter with Sirius, he would never hide that from them.

“Well, goodnight, I guess,” Peter added. “Hope you sleep well.” If James had been in a better mind, he would’ve thought that Pete was far too sweet to him.

He managed to quickly change into his pyjamas, even with fumbling hands and blurry vision. He practically fell onto his bed and shoved the curtains closed around him, casting quick sticking and silencing spells. James finally let himself go, sobs wracking his body as he struggled to breathe. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

* * *

Horrified.

That’s how James had looked. Sirius kissed him, and James was horrified.

Sirius felt stuck to the chair, frozen in place in a way that had nothing to do with a spell but was undoubtedly just as effective. He watched as James fought with the door, too desperate to leave to remember that they had locked it. James slammed the door behind him, but that was probably an accident. _Probably_ , he repeated to himself.

He finally moved, slumping in on himself, head in his hands. His mind wasn’t clear enough, too muddled by firewhiskey to let him think about it, to try and create a solution that meant something other than James being horrified that Sirius had kissed him.

It had to have been that moan. He hadn’t meant to, but he was taken off guard first by the firewhiskey, then the easy way James said he loved him, then how he nuzzled Sirius as if being in his presence was a gift, and mostly by the way James had _kissed him back_. James had had his tongue in Sirius’s mouth, pressing against him and holding him like he wanted to devour him, and Sirius hadn’t been able to help it.

Maybe James had forgotten who he was with until then. His eyes were closed, he was drunk, there were lips, and a voice saying his name like they worshipped him. It could’ve been excused until Sirius had gone and ruined it by being too loud. If he’d just kept his bloody feelings to himself, they would be fine right now. They might’ve kissed a bit more but been able to laugh it off in a few minutes, or Sirius could have not been a dumb fuck and abstained from kissing him in the first place. He should have known better, should have known _so much better_ than to think he could kiss James without consequences.

Sirius wanted to break down, cry and scream to match the wailing in his head, but his body was unresponsive. “You’re such an idiot,” he whispered to himself.

He doesn’t know how long he stayed in that room, alone in the too large armchair with full bottles of firewhiskey at his feet, except for the mostly empty one that he was willing to blame for all his troubles at the moment. Eventually, he made his way to the Tower, studiously ignoring the worried looks Remus and Peter gave him when he got to their room.

It wasn’t any of their business, and maybe-- just maybe-- if he didn’t say anything, he and James would be back to normal tomorrow. James’s expression as he pushed Sirius off flashed through his mind, but he willfully shoved the image away. He could live in denial for a bit longer.


	2. Chapter 2

James woke up and immediately wished he hadn’t. He groaned, turning his face into the pillow and hoping he would fall back asleep. His head was pounding though, and his mouth was simultaneously too dry and like he had let a dead animal fester inside it for the night.

Normally he would grab a couple cups and a pitcher of water and head to Sirius’s bed, but… well. He wasn’t ready for that. James wasn’t sure he could see him and not start accusing him. Accusing him of what, James didn’t quite know, but it would be infinitely easier than admitting how hurt he was that Sirius only showed an interest in him when pissed.

He somehow rolled out of bed and made it to the bathroom. He was tempted to empty all the toothpaste into his mouth but didn’t, if only because Peter would yell at him if he did that again.

Sirius walked in, looking as dead as James felt. After a minute, he said, “Sorry about last night.”

“It’s okay,” James muttered.

“Really? Cause you looked pretty freaked,” he said, voice forcefully neutral. James recognised it as the voice Sirius used when he didn’t want to start a row.

“Yeah, it’s-” James rubbed at his eyes, “it’s fine. Can we just pretend it never happened?”

Sirius glanced at him, but James didn’t look over. “Sure. So. We good?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

They were not good. Not even close. James was jumpy around him, careful like he was afraid Sirius was suddenly going to jump him if he made a wrong move. All Sirius could think was that he _should have known_. They barely touched at all anymore, Sirius having given it up the fifth time James flinched from his hand. Their contact was now exclusively bumping shoulders as they walked in the corridors between classes, and it was always on accident. The bright side is that James had stopped jerking away when that happened. This was the least they’d ever touched since they met, James always throwing an arm around his shoulders in the early days of their friendship like he was determined to make up for the lack of physical contact in Sirius’s life.

Both Remus and Peter had noticed something was wrong, but, thank Merlin, they never asked while they were all together. Sirius figured they had a ‘divide and conquer’ approach, since some days Remus would ask him about it, other days it was Peter, and there was no way they were asking Sirius what was happening and not James.

Sirius just… wanted their relationship to go back to how it was before, and that obviously wasn’t going to happen without some encouragement. He thought about dating, but he’d learned last year with Benjy that it wasn’t fair to the other person. So what he needed was some casual sex with someone who wouldn’t misinterpret, but also wouldn’t have a problem with it not being a secret.

Oh. Gideon. Sirius almost wanted to kick himself with how obvious a solution it was, except he was happy for the solution and didn’t. There was a Hogsmeade weekend in a few days, he could talk to him then. For a minute he entertained the thought of asking him to Hogsmeade, but the Marauders had a long-standing rule of always going with each other. Dates were allowed on the second day, but not the first, and even then they couldn’t spend the whole day with their date (not that it much mattered, dates had never lasted that long for any of them).

With the way he and James had been acting, it wasn’t difficult for Sirius to make a half-arsed excuse and leave the group. Not that Peter and Remus didn’t try to stop him, but usually when Sirius did something like this it was James’s job to keep Sirius with them, and, well, he obviously wasn’t doing that today.

He found Gideon in the Three Broomsticks, looking for all the world like the most bored third wheel to Fabian and Payton’s date.

“Thank Merlin,” Gideon said as soon as they were out of sight, “I could kiss you for rescuing me. What’s up?” He looked at the empty area around Sirius as if expecting the other Marauders to pop into existence. “Where’s your other half?”

Sirius rolled his eyes though truthfully he wasn’t annoyed in the least. He had a reputation to maintain, after all. Aloofness was key. “Believe it or not, we do things without each other some of the time.”

“Right,” Gideon said slowly, clearly choosing the ‘not’ option of believing it.

There was no point disputing it-- he was right. “I’d much rather do this without him,” Sirius said, giving Gideon a suggestive once-over and stepping closer.

And, well, Gideon knew exactly what was happening, he accepted, and that was that. After a week or two of admittedly great sex, Sirius finally got caught with his hand down Gideon’s pants. James… didn’t react how Sirius expected. It didn’t make anything between them better, and fuck if he knew why. Maybe he just needed proof that it wasn’t a one time fling, that Sirius wouldn’t turn around and kiss him again. He could do that.

* * *

“What do you think you’re doing?” Peter asked, standing in front of him.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked around. “Reading in the common room?”

“No, you’re over here,” he pointed at Sirius, “and James is over there,” he pointed across the room where it looked like Remus and James were having a similar conversation. “This has gone on long enough; it’s been _months_. Stop being a tosser and fix whatever it is you two broke. And I have no idea what it is you’re trying to prove with Gideon, but _stop it_. It’s making things worse.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he said, the glare on his face doing nothing to convince Peter he wasn’t lying. “Besides, if he does have a problem with Gideon, I don’t see why he wouldn’t say something about it.”

Peter sighed, aggravated. “He doesn’t have a problem with Gideon, he has a problem with _you_ and Gideon.”

“You’re not making any sense Peter.”

Peter threw his hands in the air and stormed off. Sirius watched him leave with a slight frown on his face. What was that about?

Across the room, Remus watched Peter give up on Sirius and walk away. Remus shook his head, but he understood the feeling perfectly. James hadn’t been this much of an oblivious berk since fourth year when he didn’t realise he was attracted to men. That had been a long year. At least Remus could do something about it this time.

Remus sighed a little and turned back to James. “Look, don’t you miss him?”

“Of course I do,” James said, sounding offended at the mere idea that he didn’t. It should have been obvious, but with the way they were both acting…

“Then go fix this!”

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “It’s not that simple.”

“Since when do you need something to be simple to accomplish it? You became a bloody animagus two years ago, we made the Map, you charmed the Head Table in _second year_.”

“That was different,” James protested.

“How?” It was different, but that was hardly the point. It was the principle of the matter: James Potter did not shy away from something because it was difficult.

“That was just spellwork! It didn’t involve feelings, or emotions, or people.”

“Feelings?” Remus said, raising an eyebrow. Historically, telling James he fancied Sirius hadn’t ended well, but heavily implying had yielded better results. Slightly. Sometimes.

James eyes widened. “I- I mean, he’s my best mate! Of course there are feelings, Moony, shut it.”

Remus hummed, unconvinced and not hiding it for a second. “The past couple months you haven’t been acting like best mates, let alone something else. Between that and Gideon--” James scowled, “I’m not sure either of you can claim that relationship right now. Just talk to him.” When James continued to look mulishly stubborn, he added, “Come on, this is _Sirius_ , I know he misses you just as much.”

“I’m sure Gideon is keeping him entertained in my absence,” he said coolly. James pointedly picked his book back up and didn’t so much as glance at Remus until he gave up and left.

Remus was tempted to smack him upside his head with that book-- that he _knew_ James didn’t have any interest in-- but instead he went up to their dormitory to meet with Peter.

“We need to do something drastic,” Peter said as soon as the door closed behind Remus. “Put them in a situation they can’t get out of so they’ll talk.”

Remus snorted. “What like locking them in a closet?” That would go over well. Not to mention they could get out of it it four seconds flat if Remus and Peter didn’t make preparations.

“...Yes.”

He blinked at Peter. “What.”

“We’ll lock them in a closet! I know that’s normally for getting people to hook up, but I think we can make an exception here. We’ll even be nice and leave them a note that says we’ll let them out once they’ve solved their issues. Brilliant idea, Moons,” he said, patting Remus on the shoulder.

“Er, thanks.” He decided not to point out that he was joking and it was almost completely Peter’s idea since Peter already knew that. “What if they team up against us afterwards?”

“It’s a sacrifice we’ll have to make. Besides, if they’re teamed up against us, it means they’re working together again.”

Remus nodded. “An acceptable loss. If it works, maybe they won’t feel quite so vengeful.” Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done, woot!

Sirius broke things off with Gideon. It wasn’t a real relationship, so there wasn’t any fallout, which was good, especially considering what had happened with Benjy. If Sirius never had another breakup, it would be too soon. Still, Sirius couldn’t help but think about how amazing Gideon was, and how good they were together. If he wasn’t arse over kettle for James, he would pursue a relationship with Gideon. They could make a nice couple. 

He sighed. Why couldn’t anything ever be easy? (He resolutely did not think about how the entirety of school was easy for him because it wasn’t the point.) 

James looked mildly happier when he heard the news, but overall it didn’t fix anything and now Sirius was sad again. He wasn’t getting shagged  _ and _ he didn’t have his best friend back. He also got the uncomfortable feeling that Peter and Remus were plotting. About what, he didn’t know, and that made it worse because if he had an idea what it was about, he’d be able to prepare a little. 

* * *

James was going to  _ fucking kill _ Remus and Peter. He was locked in a bloody closet with Sirius within arm’s reach-- closer than he’d been while stationary since this all started. Naturally, he tried the door, but it was locked. None of the spells he tried had any effect and he ended up kicking the door in frustration. 

“Glad to see you’re happy to be around me,” Sirius said drily. A note slid under the door, and Sirius gingerly bent down to pick it up. “Apparently we’re not leaving here till we’re back to normal.” He offered it to James to read, which he did, but it ended with the parchment crumpled in his hand. 

“Bugger.” 

“Yep. So are we going to talk or are we going to stand here in awkward silence and  _ then _ talk?” 

James glared at the door, light coming in through the space at the bottom and slats at the top. It was barely enough for them to see each other, but once their eyes adjusted it would be better. Not that he wanted it to be better, he just wanted to be out of here. 

Sirius sighed. “Option number two it is.” He leaned against the wall behind him, crossing his arms over his chest. They stood in-- like Sirius had predicted-- awkward silence for a while. 

James felt himself ache with the need to hold him and be held by him. Merlin it had been months since he’d last hugged Sirius and with him so close now, it was impossible to ignore. “I miss you.” 

He wasn’t certain, but he thought Sirius blinked in surprise. “I might have been the one to fuck this up, but you’re the one perpetuating it.” 

“I know.” James swallowed. If it were anyone else, he would quit now, but it was Peter and Remus and he knew they wouldn’t let them out until they got results. And it was Sirius. He missed him like a physical need, the same way he would miss water and sleep. He couldn’t survive without Sirius, and he was an absolute idiot for pretending otherwise up to now. “I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want you to be sorry James. I want this fixed. I need you. And,” Sirius paused, and James’s eyes had adjusted enough for him to see Sirius bite his lip uncertainly, “I’m sorry that it’s not in a way you’re comfortable with.” 

“What?” What did… what? 

“C’mon Jamie don’t make me say it,” he pleaded. Pleaded. Sirius. His expression was twisted with fear and nerves in a way James viscerally hated on sight. Sirius should never look that way because of him. 

James felt, for the first time, that he was missing something vital. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sirius looked like he would rather be struck dead than confess what he was thinking, so James said, “I’ve been avoiding you because you kissed me when you were drunk. And I didn’t want you to kiss me like that, I want- I want you to do it because you want me. Not because of a bottle of firewhiskey and proximity.” 

“James,” Sirius whispered, and it wasn’t like that night they kissed, but he said it with so much emotion that James screwed his eyes shut and tried to step back, only to be stopped by a wall a quarter of the way through. He stepped closer and James heard the scrape of his shoe on the floor like a portent. But then Sirius’s hand was gently touching the side of his face, and there was nothing about the gesture that could be construed as hostile. “I kissed you because I wanted to.” 

James peeked at Sirius, hoping that if he didn’t open his eyes all the way the situation wouldn’t change. “You were pissed.” 

“I want to kiss you all the time, James. Being pissed only made me follow through with it.” 

“...Oh.” 

Sirius’s thumb rubbed across his cheek before his hand shifted lower to James’s neck. He smiled softly at the thudding of James’s pulse against his fingers. “Am I making you nervous?"

James swallowed, his adam’s apple bumping into one of Sirius’s knuckles. “Not quite the word I would use.” 

“You pushed me away,” Sirius said, and it was obvious how much it had hurt him. 

“I thought you didn’t care about me like that. You dated Gideon,” and James couldn’t keep the disdain from his voice even though he was here, now, with Sirius in a capacity that clearly said dating other people was of no mind. 

“We weren’t dating, and what’s wrong with Gideon?” 

“He was with you.” 

They were still standing close, intimately so, a hairsbreadth from kissing suspended while they said the things they had to. “You kept flinching from me. I figured if I gave you a reason to think I wasn’t interested, it would stop.” 

“It would’ve been a good plan.” 

Sirius huffed a laugh and his breath spread warm on James’s face. “Would have been. Should’ve known things wouldn’t be so simple with you.” 

“Yeah,” James said, finally smiling at him, “you really should have known.” 

As one, they leaned forward, catching each other’s lips in a smooth kiss that had James tingling. “That should have been our first kiss,” Sirius said, which was exactly what James had been thinking. 

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” James kissed him almost before he finished speaking, carefully removing his arms from between them to wrap around Sirius’s middle. 

It was a long while later-- many kisses, endearments, and love proclamations later-- that they noticed another note had been slid under the door. Sirius grabbed James’s wand from his pocket (it was closer) and summoned the slip of parchment to his hands. He barked out a laugh when he read it, then turned it around for James to see. ‘The door’s unlocked, you can come out whenever you want. P.S. Please be nice to us, we were only trying to help,’ was written in Peter’s handwriting, then added on in Remus’s, ‘I think our success should exempt us from any backlash.’ 

“I guess. We really should thank them,” James said. 

Sirius sighed, but he obviously agreed. “If you want. I think we should make them sweat a bit first, though,” he added with a smirk. 

“You are positively evil.” 

“You’re the one who was pining after me for years.” 

“You were doing the same!” James said defensively. 

“Yeah but I didn’t just call you evil.” 

James paused, then glared. “You played me. I don’t know how, but you did, I’m sure of it.” 

Sirius snorted, kissing the frown off James’s face. “This bodes well for the rest of our lives.” 

“Don’t you think you might be getting ahead of yourself there?” Sirius gave him a flat look that meant he knew James didn’t actually think that. “Shut it.” 

“I didn’t say anything.” 

“You didn’t have to. Let’s go to the Tower now, yeah? This cupboard isn’t exactly comfortable.” 

Sirius hummed, running his mouth down James’s neck. “I thought it was perfectly fine.” 

“Yeah,” James agreed breathlessly, “but we can do better.” 

“Whatever you say Jamie,” Sirius said, fumbling with the doorknob behind him and practically falling out. “But I think we’ve already reached our best here.” 

“Our best is a supply closet in Hogwarts?” 

Sirius hit his arm. “I was trying to be sappy and say ‘together’ but fine, be that way.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog at [imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr! Drop by, send in a prompt if you want ;)


End file.
